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Numerology Course - page 41.


Relationship Compatibility numbers do not require any kind of calculation. However, when analyzing the meaning of the compatibility numbers, we mainly look at three things:

  • How do the numbers compare
  • What is the number they add to
  • What is the difference between the two numbers

For example, if one person has a 4 Life Path, and the other a 7, we look first and foremost at the archetypal personalities of the 4 and the 7, but we also look at the 3 “Bridge.” (The difference between 4 and 7 is 3 and is similar to a Bridge number.) In addition, we look at the sum of the 4 and the 7, which is 11. As you know, when two people come together, they inevitably enhance some characteristics and reduce others.

Audio Lecture; The Relationship Compatibility number. 3 Minutes.


More than any other number in your chart, your Expression number reflects who you are as a person. Earlier, you read about the Life Path number and how important that number is in your chart. However, the Life Path number reflects “the path you walk on,” and should be seen more as a powerful influence than as a part of your personality makeup. Your Expression number on the other hand, reflects a deeper part of you. It is more difficult to overcome possible negative traits you may have recognized in yourself when they are found in this part of the chart, than when they are found under the Life Path description.

It can’t be emphasized too much how important it is to realize that numbers in different areas of the chart affect you differently, even when it is the same number. Sometimes, you may read something that seems to directly contradict earlier statements. Yet, if you take the time to think about them carefully, you will probably recognize that you, as a human being, are extremely complex and full of the same contradictions. This is simply the way we are. You may be organized in one area of your life, while chaos rules in another area. You may be tactful and sensitive in one setting, and direct and confrontational in another situation.

Compatibility of the Heart’s Desire numbers is very important in a relationship - few relationships last beyond the initial stage if the Heart’s Desire numbers are not compatible.

The Life Path numbers are the most important numbers in your charts, and, as such, their compatibility is very important to the well-being of your relationship.

The Personality number is generally quickly recognized when two people first meet, not many relationships even get started unless the Personality numbers are compatible.

To improve readability of the compatibility texts we wrote them for two fictitious people; John and Mary.

1  & 1  Compatibility (and vice versa)

John and Mary, you two make up a challenging and rare combination.  Although most couples keep looking for things they may have in common, in this particular case, this does not always translate into an advantage. Yours is a relationship of extremes, with powerful feelings and sometimes almost uncontrollable urges by the partners to "confront" each other. Both of you are headstrong, competitive people who will not play second fiddle to anyone. You refuse to surrender your leadership qualities, even to someone you are attracted to. And two people, both with a 1 in this aspect of the chart, don't often provide much room for attraction in their lives because, even when meeting the first time, their competitive nature will get in the way of a simple loving and giving relationship. Instead, they recognize the need to be "king of the mountain" in the other persona and, like two bulls, will start butting heads to gain the upper hand.

On the other hand, when two people with this kind of driving forces meet and do get along, the source of this attraction is powerful enough to overcome their mutual competitive streaks, which makes their relationship a promising one.

It is important to look at other compatible aspects of this relationship in this report in order to understand where the love and care is supported by compatible, perhaps complementing, personality traits.

If this relationship has existed for some time, you have obviously found ways to get around the difficulties of two equally strong and individualistic personalities. If this relationship is relatively new, you will have to learn to accept an occasional second place and discover the powers of humility and sensitivity.

Be particularly careful not to let verbal arguments escalate. Both of you are capable of confrontation when the need arises. And the possibility of aggression, and, in extreme cases, even violence, does exist in your combination.

Instead, both of you have to learn to step back and take a breather. Think twice, even three times if you can, before speaking words you might later regret.

1  & 2  Compatibility (and vice versa)

Yours is a very promising combination, because, strange as it may seem, you have very little in common - at least in this aspect of the chart. This particular core number shows John to be strong and driven, competitive and motivated, and, perhaps, a bit bullish and overbearing. Mary, on the other hand, is by nature more the "power behind the throne", the person who understands what goes on on a deeper level. Sensitive, intuitive, insightful and supportive, Mary will always allow John room to throw some weight around, without loosing sight of what has to be done and how to do it. The fact that you don't play a power game has a very important role in this relationship. Both of you know what you want, know how to make the other understand, and, thanks to these abilities, you succeed in complementing each other very well.

Mary is the peacemaker, John, the driving, ambitious force.

However, always remember to look at the other compatible aspects in your number combination so as to keep this in perspective.

John does have to be careful with Mary. John's strength is like a strong stick - it won't break easily and isn't concerned about getting damaged. Mary's strength is more flexible, but also more vulnerable. Mary will bend and surrender to other forces more easily, being therefore also more vulnerable to verbal abuse and negative criticism, things John is perfectly capable of shrugging off without much damage to the ego. Interestingly, it is precisely because Mary is able to bend with the forces, that Mary is the real survivor when a serious storm hits, where as, if the wind is strong enough, John's strength may snap.

At least in this aspect of the chart, the key in this relationship is "mutual respect" and "sincerity". John has to understand that Mary's willingness to compromise or surrender does not represent weakness or an indecisive nature. John also has to be aware that Mary is not easily fooled. Mary may accept a certain explanation or a chain of events without confrontation, but this is more a result of a deeper insight and better perspective than cowardice. Mary recognizes insincerity, lying and role-playing much quicker then John. Therefore, John would be well advised not to underestimate Mary. As for Mary, keep in mind that John's showing of strength and bravura does not mean that John's feelings are not susceptible to being hurt. In fact, behind that facade of strength and courage is a human being who experiences matters of the heart very powerfully.

1  & 3  Compatibility (and vice versa)

You are both blessed to form one of the best combinations - one that is often a source of happiness and mutual pleasure for a long, long time. The individualism and originality of the one combined with the creativity and "anything goes" attitude of the three make for a wonderful, exciting, and often adventurous relationship. Unlike many couples, John and Mary, you play together, laugh together, and often have truly inspirational and enlightening conversations. Of course, the number one's typical characteristics make John the central force in this relationship, while Mary contributes to it by bringing the sunshine and lightness of heart that help the two of you overcome obstacles and challenges more easily than most other couples. Think of this relationship as the tree and the butterfly, and I am sure I don't have to tell you who is who in this paraphrase.

However, in spite of the unusual number of positive aspects in this combination, you should be on the alert for some potential pitfalls. John values responsibility and loyalty, being very serious about goals and dreams, especially those involving other people's lives. John has an in-born ability to put forth effort over a long period of time and won't easily let any goal or dream go. On the other hand, Mary is more playful and creative, as well as restless. Mary may well change direction easily, especially when a particular goal may seem hard to reach. Mary gets bored more quickly and may give up on a project before it starts bearing fruit, which can be very disturbing to John. However, paradoxical as it may seem, it is precisely this unlikeness between your personalities that brings balance to this relationship.

All in all, there is little negative to say about this combination. Therefore, with an eye on the possible pitfalls, just try to explore your respective natural qualities to the utmost and enjoy a very happy, enriching and rewarding life together for many, many years - you may even be able to develop your relationship to perfection!

1  & 4  Compatibility (and vice versa)

This aspect of the chart reveals a combination that can be solid as a rock for a long time only to crash and burn in the blink of an eye. Stubborn, highly motivated, a self-starter and an unconventional individualist, John is also adventurous and not afraid of trying new, even risky paths. Strongly driven, the number one doesn't usually give a hoot about other people's expectations. So, John does whatever John wants to do and will fight anyone and anything trying to get in the way. Mary is no less gifted in the areas of persistence and ambition. However, the number four stands for everything that is sturdy, reliable, patient, responsible, conventional, detail-oriented and "doing things the way they should be done." And this is precisely where some possibly dangerous pitfalls for this relationship lie. Mary has both feet firmly on the ground. Undeterred by the prospect of having to take care of things that might be boring and routine, Mary will do the job, no matter what. Mary will not step aside just because something is difficult or may take a lot of time. The four marches on until the job is done. Period. John, on the other hand, does not have that kind of patience. When the forces are no longer in John's favor, it's time for war. "Confront the challenges head on with a 'damn the consequences' attitude" - this is John's dilemma. This can be a thriving relationship as long as John doesn't start on a path of unknowns and risky, questionable results. However, that will unavoidably happen and Mary will at times be seen as a stick in the mud, a source of frustration for John. When this kind of situation becomes overwhelming, it will almost certainly bring this relationship to and end.

On the other hand, as long as John is able to respect Mary's need for a secure, perhaps even predictable, lifestyle, and Mary can understand John's need to try new avenues, take risks, occasionally venture out into unknown territories, the relationship can endure.

1  & 5  Compatibility (and vice versa)

The compatibility of these two numbers is about as good as it gets. There will never be any danger of boredom, complacency, or emptiness in a relationship that has heads turning and people whispering. Like wind and fire, the personality traits in this combination can both create and destroy, but the one and five feed on each other and respect each other's powers. They are like a blacksmith and his anvil, and when they set out side by side to fulfill their goals and dreams, nothing can withstand their combined forces. This is a relationship of intensity and moments of rarely achieved highs, where the promise of ecstatic experiences of love, spiritual bonding and shared dreams is very real.

As with any number combination, dangers also hover over their heads. Sometimes, undesired winds blow and forces turn - not so much against each other as against their shared dreams. When that happens, their mutual influence becomes destructive, turning a moderate, healthy need for variety, sensual pleasure and adventures into a negative force.

As with all things in life, reaching up takes effort while sliding down is only a matter of letting go. As long as the willingness to reach up and the capacity to put forth effort and self-control exists for both John and Mary, this can be a wonderful ride. But they should both always be on the alert - it is not uncommon for this combination to pull each other down. When the partners allow that to happen, they may end up involved with drugs, alcohol, sex, food-addictions, laziness, or blaming the world for their misfortunes, and blaming each other as a final result. Therefore, living this combination of numbers can be compared to skating on thin ice.

Mary, it is very important that you maintain focus on what you want out of this life. Do not get distracted or seduced by the pleasures that are so easily obtainable. Set high standards for yourself. In this relationship, John must truly play the role of a captain on the ship, but not because Mary is not capable. As a matter of fact, Mary has more talents than you can shake a stick at. However, John's energy is more directed and controlled, while Mary's is more dynamic, more volatile - yet not in an aggressive way.  Mary is impulsive, responsive to the moment, less controlled and, for all that Mary is, therefore, also vulnerable to being misguided. Keep in mind that too much adventurism can be a dangerous thing.

While this is one of the most promising and long-lasting combinations, it is also one that can take you both to the edge. Therefore, discipline and moderation are the key words in this relationship.

1  & 6  Compatibility (and vice versa)

John is fortunate. Mary's six reflects a great capacity for love, understanding, sacrifice and support. The six is, by nature, perhaps the most harmonious of all numbers.

But John is not the only one who is fortunate in this relationship. Mary also has reasons for gratitude. John will protect and defend Mary through thick and thin. The power of the one should not be underestimated. And to have that power and concentrated energy on your side, Mary, can be a real blessing. John can make you feel safe and secure, since there is nothing wishy-washy about John. This is a combination that can last for a long time, without ever going through the kind of turbulence so many other relationships experience. But, as always, there is another side to the coin.

This aspect of John's chart reveals an inner force and a driven energy that doesn't slow down for anything. John doesn't put up with weakness and is demanding of others. Like a true leader, John needs to see courage and strength represented in others. Mary reveals a different nature. At least in this aspect of the chart. Mary is compromising, forgiving and sometimes sacrificing to a fault. John has to be careful not to see this as a weakness, since Mary's ability to defend the weaknesses of others is alien to a number one. Likewise, Mary may at times be disturbed to recognize a somewhat hard and unforgiving quality in John. Mary should not confuse that with a lack of compassion. John is certainly capable of offering compassion, especially towards victims of circumstances, where fault or laziness, or cowardice is not an issue. Only when John feels someone is not pulling his or her weight, can John respond quite harshly.

The important thing for both John and Mary is to understand that they are very different in the way they view human qualities. Their priorities differ. That's all. Therefore, if they are able to keep an eye open for their differences and value their respective good qualities, they will certainly enjoy a long life together.

1  & 7  Compatibility (and vice versa)

John and Mary, your compatibility in this aspect of the chart is very unpredictable. Some relationships between one's and seven's thrive while others don't stand a chance. The initial connection in this combination is usually intellectual - a level where you can relate and have plenty to share. John's brazen attitude towards new and old concepts, a willingness to get off the beaten path, and an open and unconventional mind make for a great intellectual partnership with Mary. Mary realized at an early age that something was "different". The seven is an intensely curious number, challenging everything others take for granted. It digs and stirs old concepts and shows how what looks straightforward to the rest of us, is, in fact, far from simple and far from obvious. Mary knows what it is like to stand apart from the crowd. And what is more, never to have felt uncomfortable with that. Though a bit lonely at times, it is also very gratifying in that it leads to the knowledge that there is more to daily life than meets the eye. No number experiences the excitement and exhilaration brought forth by moments of true clarity and insight as well as the seven.

Therefore, you are two people who happily venture into new, strange or unknown intellectual and spiritual territories. Free thinkers - for very different reasons and driven by very different perspectives - the combination of which makes a nice, spicy recipe.

Matters of the heart, feelings and emotions - that is where you, John and Mary, may encounter trouble spots. Neither one of you is eager to expose your inner self. You are private, sensitive and vulnerable people. You don't carry your heart on your sleeve. You, John, because you recognize strength and endurance as your in-born assets. Mary because you are comfortable keeping distant and remaining somewhat separated.

The human qualities needed to help you experience your relationship on the deepest levels, where it really matters and where it can grow and prosper, are emotional courage and the strength to allow yourself to be weak, which, by the way, is not a contradiction. Emotional courage is the courage to expose your sensitive, vulnerable side, and this requires faith in your partner but, more importantly, faith in yourself. Keep in mind that it is okay to lay yourself open - you have the strength to survive!

Both of you, but particularly Mary, may be tempted to go the other way, becoming cynical and untouchable. Watch out! There is no worse place to go and the consequences of such a shift are usually visible in a trail of broken relationships.

1  & 8  Compatibility (and vice versa)

Your respective Life Path numbers make you two strong-willed but at the same time, somewhat stubborn people. Often, when you are both around, it is like having two captains on a ship - your conflicting orders can lead to explosive arguments, which, in turn, may lead to uneasiness, discomfort and even distress. Therefore, willingness to compromise is very important in your relationship, otherwise small arguments can be blown out of proportion.

Mary has a remarkable talent for managing financial matters.  Therefore, Mary should be the one controlling the money. You both have good business instincts, which could result in very successful shared endeavors. Should you decide to go that way, make sure you keep each other’s duties and responsibilities carefully separated so as to avoid any type of personality conflicts. Whatever your decision may be, it is important that you have faith in each other’s abilities and act independently. However, since both of you like to do things your own way and neither of you is good at delegating, you should be aware that this will not be an easy task to be accomplished.

Neither one of you accepts anything less than full respect and an equal playing field. Similarly, neither one of you can be dominated or would accept being someone’s sidekick.

However, while Mary understands the material world and needs to see material results and rewards, John is more attached to the satisfaction that comes from knowing you did a good job.

Although you may have your differences, it is important that both of you understand that you have a lot in common as well. The one and the eight are very compatible numbers and you will find you have many interests in common - many more than you thought. Another positive aspect in your relationship is that you love to share your experiences, and sharing experiences has, most of the times, proved to be quite enriching. But the fact that you are both more sensitive behind that strong and independent facade than you let on opens the door to possible hurtful comments and increases the danger of doing each other, in the heat of an argument, more damage than either of you realizes. Therefore, always keep in mind that the keywords to this relationship are compromise and communication. If you are both able to compromise and communicate in your day-to-day life, you will also be able to enjoy a pleasant, rewarding and happy relationship, taking advantage of the many interests you have in common.

1  & 9  Compatibility (and vice versa)

Due to the fact that both of you have a tendency towards arrogance as well as to being somewhat egocentric, this is a very difficult relationship, as far as romance is concerned. At least in this aspect of the chart. It will only work if a certain amount of distance is maintained. Each of you has to live your own life. Ironically, although difficult, this is not a bad combination for most other kinds of relationships. Friendships, parent-child as well as business relationships, often work very well with this combination.  Precisely because the numbers stand on opposite ends of the spectrum. They complement and balance each other. Together, they represent a lot of talents and useful qualities that ensure a powerful combination in most relationships, except in romance.

It is in romance that these numbers tend to be challenging.

The solution lies in mutual understanding, not to get in your partner's way, not to expect your partner to always be there for you, and certainly not to expect your partner to live the kind of life you feel is right.

This combination has a much better chance of surviving if John and Mary have the number two and/or six among their other core numbers.

The numbers one and nine are far apart and this is reflected in John and Mary's understanding of each other. In many areas of life you are so different that you can't even relate to the other person's view. And, as with every romantic relationship, these shared views are required. We feel secure in the knowledge that our partner confirms what we feel and think. And, if the relationship between John and Mary is of the romantic type, there will just not be much of that.

Very often, when a one and a nine engage in a romantic relationship, the people on the periphery think it is very funny to see them together. Together but yet so different, so unique. Neither John nor Mary tends to conform easily to the rules and expectations of society. And that is one of the few characteristics you have in common. However, you probably dress very differently, have very different tastes, and consider different things important. Chances are that you are each other's polar opposite. And, while we say that opposites attract, the trouble is that they also tend to push each other away when they get too close.

There are no easy solutions or foolproof guidelines that work here. If you have been together for a while and your love is strong, this love will keep you together. If the relationship is fairly recent, your focus should be on your heart, your pure and unconditional love for your partner. And here is the most important advice to make this relationship last: Don't expect to change or influence your partner.


© Copyright 1987, 1994, 2003 by Hans Decoz.
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